she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
