Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
