So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
