the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
