Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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