dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
