my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
