Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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