I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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