In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
