Just mADE A PArabola og urine
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
