Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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