question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
