Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
