I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
