we're blogging at a bar
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
