i permit you to call me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
