it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize