Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
