Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
