I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
