I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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