there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
