Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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