You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
