I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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