um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
