toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wish I only lived at night.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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