so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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