tonight lets celebrate not being married
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
