I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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