Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
