my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
