I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
