I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's no shave November. This is our time.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
