mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I wish my penis had an off switch
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm passing your future prison.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
