So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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