Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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