Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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