and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
