paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
nutella sex= disaster
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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