Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
