he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
