Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
