I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
