I want to make a zoo with you.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
