I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We need to get me chipped asap
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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