I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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