In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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