my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
