Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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