I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
God I need to hump something, right now.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
