You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize