Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
