When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
