My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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