Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
