Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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