Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
