I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
