Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
