Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
