You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm at about main and main street
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
