I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
