the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
