Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
