I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize