Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
