Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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