Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
