I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
