i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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