I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
